Why Do I Hurt and What IS This That Is Hurting Me?
by MW Rivers
Do you have a hard time being in places or around people? Do you feel
uncomfortable, sensing bad vibes, have difficulty sleeping, wearing clothes,
experience confusion, pain, panic attacks or maybe even feel that you just can't live
your life? If so, you will want to read my story. It may help you to understand what is
possibly going on with you (if there seems to be no medical explanation for your
problems) and maybe even how you can help yourself to live a better life!
I was one of those unusual kids who loved school. So much so, that it
didn't matter much to me whether I got out for summer vacation or not;
...really! Although I did enjoy my summers. Around the 5th grade or so, I
began to suffer with some pretty bad headaches that seemed to occur
almost every day that I was in school, but since they didn't stop me from
learning or being in school, I never really gave them to much thought at
the time.
Upon entering the eighth grade of my education, around the age of 12, I
found that school was going to be very much unlike any of my previous
seven years. Right off, I sensed that something was different,...very
different. Oddly, I began to feel uncomfortable at school, sensing some
really strange vibes. I began suffering with headaches that were more
intense than any I had yet known. I can remember being confused a lot
and suffering pain on a regular basis. I would even on ocassion pass out
not knowing what had happened to me. I began having difficulty
sleeping at night and it got harder and harder to wake up once I finally
did get to sleep. (Which was usually in the wee hours of the morning.) I
remember thinking, "What is going on here?" Not only did I not want to
feel these vibes or experience any of these unexplainable problems, I
couldn't imagine why I was. After all, I was only a child. Much to my
disappointment, this would continue throughout the rest of that year and
sadly, all the years following. Each year I was promoted to the next
grade, it would get worse. Finding it difficult to have friends due to all I
experienced, I felt that I had absolutely no one to talk to. Besides, who in
the world would understand what was going on or what was happening
to me. And I had never ever heard of any one speak of anything like this
happening to them. I finally came to the conclusion that maybe this was
just a normal part of life that no one talked about or that others were
better at handling more than myself. After all, I couldn't be the only one
that was experiencing it. So, I did what any young girl would do, I kept
my mouth shut not willing to admit my weakness, tried to hide my
problems and just deal with them as best as I could. As the years went
by, my school work would suffer, but I managed to keep up my grades
and finally, I graduated from High School.
Then came the time to enter college. I would find that it too was going to
be different,...very different. To my horror, I found that things were going
to become much, much worse for me and that what I had suffered in
junior and senior high were just the beginning of what laid ahead. For
upon entering college I began to experience...panic attacks. Not only
was I having the headaches, the bad vibes, the confusion, the pain, the
sleep disorders and passing out, now I had to deal with those too. Good
grief! After the first year, I realized that I had gone about as far as I could
go with my education and that I had to decide what to do to try to equip
myself to make a living in this life. So, I quickly enrolled into
Cosmetology school because it was only a one year course and I had a
talent for cutting hair. (However, it did take me two years to complete due to my
difficulties.) It ended up being more of a challenge than I had anticipated,
but I finally graduated and was able to get my license. And so now I was
off to my career, with high hopes that things would be different outside of
the education environment.
But upon going to work in my field, I found that my problems would
continue, although again, I tried my best to hide them. I ended up
changing career fields at least 5 times trying to find somewhere that I
could work where I did not feel so horrible. I also found after getting out
on my own that there were going to be even more difficulties for me to
deal with. For instance, when I would go on vacation, I would have
difficulty going through certain areas I traveled through. At times, I felt
that I was fighting for my life. I also found it difficult to go in certain stores
and shop. And of all things, I even began to have difficulty wearing
clothes. All I could think was that my life was one total wreck. It
overwhelmed me to try to meet people or even think about dating
although I did my best. As for my friends, well I could count them on one
hand and even with them, I had to be somewhat distant. Over time I
began running out of places to work. My last job was that of a
bookkeeper in a drugstore, but I had seriously misjudged my ability to
work there. Once I became aware of what I had put myself into, I tried to
get myself out of harms way. Unfortunately, I was not able to secure
employment elsewhere quick enough. I was there for only 5 weeks when
sadly, one day, I collapsed. I had finally lost the fight and it was all over
for me, but the crying.
At the age of 29 I ended up on disability and home bound for many
years. At this time I was told I was also suffering from agoraphobia
because by now I didn't feel safe anywhere,,,except in my home. It was
just one more ailment on my ever growing list of problems. But I believe
God was looking out for me. For I met a man and at the age of 32, I
married. Praise God! ... However, marriage came with it's own difficulties
as well. The bonding process was very hard for me to say the least. It
took several years for me to reach a comfort level with my husband. And
every time we moved into a new house, it would take years for me to feel
comfortable there. I also had to be careful who I let in my home and who
I was around outside of it. And to this day, I still do. Needless to say,
our life was very frustrating for my husband. Although he never really
understood what was going on with me, he was good to me for many
years and I shall always remain grateful to him for that. We are now
divorced.
But upon my collapse, I began seeking God with my whole heart. After
all, I couldn't do much else and I had always wanted to know more about
what God's Word had to say. I had received Jesus as my savior when I
was about 2 years of age, but there was never much time to learn about
God for having to do all the things that are required for education while
growing up. I did, however, in my late teens begin to put forth more of an
effort to study His word, but still I didn't have the time to devote to
studying like I wanted to. So I took advantage of my solitude reading all
that I could, watching everything I could find on TV and ordering as much
information as I could get my hands on. I learned much through the
years, but still, my problems persisted.
Finally, I got brave and decided to visit a church that one of my friends
attended. It was quite different from the non-denominational and Baptist
churches I had grown up in when I was younger. It was called a Full
Gospel church. There I would learn about the baptism of The Holy
Ghost (Acts 19) and the gifts of The Holy Spirit.
(1Corinthians - Chapters 12 -14) Wow! I was also encouraged in learning
how to use them. Wow again! To my amazement, I was told that a lot of
what was going on with me was actually a gift. I thought,...a gift? I sort
of came to understand that I have a God given gift that was to be used
mainly in the deliverance of God's people. And what I had felt all those
years and still do, was none other than unclean and demonic spirits. I
was actually being allowed to feel the spirit realm and the spirits that
were in people. Now I don't know about you, but that was sort of
liberating for me. I had a gift! And so I thought, ok, now what? I had
experienced so much pain and suffering associated with this so called
gift that I was filled with fear at the very thoughts of confronting it. I was
willing to attempt to learn how to maybe use it in my church, but that was
it, absolutely no where else. And so, I continued my life in semi-solitude.
But time and time and time again, I continued to be confronted with
persons that I absolutely could not bear to be around due to how they
made me feel. Finally, one day, I had had about all I was going to take
and I decided to get even braver and ask a person who frequented my
house if I could pray for them. It was a huge step for me because I could
not bear to even talk to them on the phone let alone visit with them for
long intervals. To my amazement they said...yes. Wow! I then
nervously pressed through the unbelievable fear in myself, anointed
them with oil, laid hands on them and began praying. When I did, much
to my amazement,...the torment left me! I was free and well,...so were
they. That day, I discovered that the way to help end some of the
torment in my life was so simple that I don't believe I would have ever
thought of it on my own. And I couldn't believe that all it took was prayer.
That's right, prayer! And I believe that may be all it will take for you too.
Later that evening I began wondering where in the Bible was there any
scripture that could possibly shed some light as to why I had suffered
and still suffer with this so much in my life . So, I prayed and asked the
Lord about it and even though I did not receive an audible answer, this is
what I felt the Lord say to me: My child, the day I was on the cross, the
sins of the whole world were laid...on me. (John 1:29) And then I
somehow understood. I believe that because He now lives in me...and
you, He is still bearing the sins of the world...through us. And He longs
for people to be free from the enemy. After all, that is why He came; not
only to save man and give him eternal life, but to also set the captives...
FREE!
PRAISE GOD!
So now, let's talk about you for a minute, ok? If you have ever asked
Jesus to come into your heart, you now have, believe it or not, received
at least one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit...in YOU. The Bible states that
God gives gifts to His children severally as he wills which means as
many as He wills. (1Cor. 12:11) (Severally means more than one.) And since
you became one of God's children, that means that God gave gifts,
again,...to YOU! But right about now you might be saying to yourself,
"But I can't pray for people; I can't stand to even be around them!" But I
say to you, "Yes you can!", and not only that, but that "You really
must!" And so you ask, "But why do I need to pray for people?"
Because the Bible says this: The gifts and callings of God are without
repentance in Romans 11:29. And so, what does that mean? Well, I'm
glad you asked. It means that the gift is yours and it will be yours until
you leave this earth. In other words, it's not going to go away, so you
may as well learn to use it. And now you might be saying to yourself,
"But I didn't ask for this gift!" Well, neither did I and I would not have
chosen it either. But God did.
So now I pretty much understand this awesome gift that has caused me
so much torment and pretty much held me captive most of my life. And I
must say that I truly regret that I didn't know how to use it sooner. I have
come to realize that this gift is to be used to help keep the enemy out of
God's people. And if you are like me, your gift is to be used for the same
purpose as well.
I haven't mentioned until now that during the course of my marriage I had
a child. She is now 10 years old and believe it or not, she has the same
gift as myself. Upon learning this, I have had to ask myself, "Could it be
that this gift is something that is passed to others within families?" In
light of my daughter and things that I hear slip in conversations amongst
family members from time to time, I would have to answer that with a big
"yes", I do believe so. So together, my daughter and I are learning
about the power of prayer and how to set people free through the power
of The Holy Spirit in the name of The Lord Jesus. Since the day that I
finally got up the nerve to pray, I have been instrumental in setting other
people free as well. And I am making more friends; not fearing so much
the way they make me feel because I now have one of the keys of the
Kingdom and I am using it. I pray for people out loud, whisper under my
breath, and even over the telephone if I feel the need to. When I go into
places where I feel uncomfortable, while driving through certain areas, or
have on clothing that is uncomfortable, I speak to the spirit realm and tell
the unclean and demonic spirits to go.
The Bible states in 1Timothy 4:14 that we should not neglect the gift that
is within us. Also in Hosea 4:6 the Word tells us that His people are
destroyed because of a lack of knowledge. And until I understood this
gift, I would have to say that my life was pretty much filled with
destruction because I indeed lacked the knowledge concerning it. The
Word also tells us to stir up the gift that is within us too (2Tim. 1:6) which
means to use it! So, I would say to you, be bold and use the gifts that
God has given you. You may have to take baby steps at first, but it will
become easier the more you practice. There are some spirits that come
out only by prayer and fasting. (Matt. 17:21) So if you are a faster, you
will be able to do greater works of deliverance. Wow! If you have a
Christian friend, get them to help you pray. (Matt. 18:20 & John 14:13)
There is power in numbers! Our Lord not only paid for our pardon with
His life, but he also said that we would do His work on this earth. And
even the more so because He was here casting out devils and
performing miracles for only 31/2 years. (John 14:12) The Word tells us
to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all else will
be added unto us. (Matt. 6:33) And since we have been translated into
His kingdom by His dear Son, (Col. 1:13) I think we would be wise to try
to learn about His kingdom, don't you? After all, if you've received Jesus
as your Savior, you're part of it!
And these signs shall follow them that believe:
In My name, they shall cast out devils...
Mark 16:17
(there is more to this verse that you can read for yourself)
So, let's walk through some of the things that people need to be
delivered from before we learn what to pray.
1. Generational curses.
These come because of the sins of the fathers.
(see: Exo 20:5, 34:7, Num 14:18 and Deu 5:9)
2. Spirits of heaviness (ie...depression)
(see: Rom 9:2, 2Col 2:1, Phi 2:26, James 4:9 and 1Pe 1:6.)
The Flesh:
When we walk after the flesh, (see: Gal Chapter 5), we give way to the
devil and we actually allow (or invite) unclean and/or demonic spirits to
enter us. The Bible tells us to walk in the spirit and we will not fulfill the
lusts of the flesh.
Below are some of the spirits that can enter Christians when they walk after
the flesh.
3. Spirits of fear
4. Spirits of anger
5. Spirits of lust
6. Spirits of fornication and adultery
7. Spirits of drunkenness
8. Spirits of infirmity (Sickness)
9. Spirits of murder
10. Spirits of witchcraft
11. Spirits of strife and division
and the list goes on
Let me not forget to mention that a person must first be willing to be set
free from demonic spirits asking God's forgiveness for their sins and
renounce satan. They must also try to walk upright before the Lord to
keep their deliverance once they have been set free. (I have however, on
occasion, prayed a whisper under my breath or in another room that persons be
delivered that I had to be around for extended periods of time so that I could relieve
the torment I was experiencing due to being in their presence.)
I first pray the blood of Jesus over me and my family for protection.
And this is a sample of how to pray:
Lord, in the name of Jesus, I loose and untie: person's name from all
unclean and demonic spirits as I loose and untie myself from them. (I
include myself because they seem to transfer to me, yuk. Oh, and by the way, you
can pray this prayer for yourself too if you feel you need to.) I rebuke the
transference of spirits off of us right now in Jesus' name. I send you to
flight now; to a dry and thirsty place there to be bound until the day of
judgement. I claim that this vessel is cleansed from the top of their head
to the soles of their feet in the name of Jesus.
Sometimes I actually call out the names of the spirits. (Example: I
command the spirit of anger or lust to loose and untie: persons name in
the name of Jesus. I send you to flight from this person now. You and
all your cohorts with you. I take authority over you now and command
you to go from this vessel in the name of Jesus.
There may be some resistance at first by the demons, but just keep
going until you feel the release in your spirit man. You will know when
they have departed for you will be at peace and no longer sense their
presence. It is really just that simple. Occasionally, you may find that
the person still has a presence with them after praying, but do not be
discouraged. In this case, the person may need to be prayed for several
times over a period of time before the demon or demons actually leave.
After all, this person is where they have dwelled for maybe quite some
time and they will resist being cast out.
I do, however, offer a word of caution to persons that have been set free from the
enemy and that is if they continue to willfully walk in sin, the very spirits that they have
been set free from do have the right to come back in. And even more may come in
with them. (Matt 12:45 & Luke 11:26) You can fill up with the things pertaining to
the Spirit or those pertaining to the flesh. The choice is ultimately yours.
If after praying for individuals over and over again who continue to walk after the
flesh, there may come a point that you realize that they are not serious about
following God. The Bible does instruct us to put such a one out from among us and
turn their flesh over to satan for it's destruction so that their spirit might be saved in
the Lord's Day. (1Cor 5:5) This is very serious and I would hope that this would be
an exception and not the rule. We must stress to people the seriousness of not filling
up with the kingdom of darkness and encourage them to walk in the Spirit after the
things of The Lord. The Lord offers us righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy
Ghost. (Rom 14:17) Satan's offer is death. (John 10:10)
For further information on the subject of deliverance and how to
operate in this gift, please click on the link below or you may call
1-(336) 676-9056 between the hours of 6PM and 12AM EST Thursdays
and Fridays. You may also contact us via e-mail by clicking on this link:
www.theunpublishedchristian@hotmail.com
I am constantly learning new ways to combat the enemy and will
be posting them here for you to learn also. Remember, you have
the same authority over the enemy as Jesus had when He walked
this earth if you are God's child:
1. Upon going to the hospital for some tests where I knew I would not feel
safe: This is what I prayed: Lord, in the name of Jesus, I ask that you go before me
and prepare my way before I go in for these tests. Lord, I trust in you for my safety
and well being. Amazingly, ALL WENT WELL!
2. Upon going to a cookout where I knew I would not feel safe: This is what I
prayed: Again, Lord, in the name of Jesus, I ask you to go before me and prepare
my way that I may be safe. Right now, I serve notice on the enemy that I will be
coming to this event and I will not tolerate your presence in the people there, the
home or even on the premises as long as I am there, in the name of Jesus. It was a
little difficult at times, but all in all, I think it went well!
3. Upon a visit to a person's home: I had to excuse myself, going outside after
only being there a brief time. When I went back in, I went into the kitchen and
commanded the demons to leave the house. They did! I was then able to visit for
several hours. WOW!
4. Upon going out to eat with unfamiliar people: Again, I was uncomfortable
with them and it was tormenting to me. I then prayed under my breath commanding
the demons to leave as I rebuked the transference off spirits off of me and them. I
was then free to actually enjoy the evening and my time with them in comfort.
Praise GOD!
